INTRO: 大概是人生阶段性的总结与展望，不定期更新。A summary of my recent life, updated from time to time.

2021/06/11 On Second Phase of Life, Passage of Time and On Interesting Human

Let’s start from a conversation with my mentor again:

Mentor:

I was having a dream (details omitted here), and I felt the passage of time after I woke up. Especially my mom’s passage of time. She has three phases of life: Growing up as a child with her family; Met my dad and start a new family; After my father died, raised me up by herself alone until now.

Now we have so many arguments, and her spirit began to age. Even though her wealth has accumulated to the peak, she has no one but me.

This reminded me of my mom as well, with slight difference for the third phase. After finally separated from my dad this year, my mom still regard me as a very important person to her, but at the same time she has began a life of independency and developed her own healthy intimate relationship with someone else. I’m very happy to see her change

I don’t want her to die slowly in waiting from aging, I want her to make new memories in the remaining precious time she has.

Then I thought of you, if you could have taste the taste of love, then you don’t have to keep running to the faraway places that would make you to throw away the past, just because you couldn’t have it.

Start your second phase of life early could also allow more time for those around you to live in your hopefulness.

Human’s hope, variants, and vitality, would all become hardened and worn out in the unconscious repetition of our routine life.

All the hopes and dreams that directed to the future, became present at the moment of realization. Or, turned into despair in the wasted time that never materialized.

After the realization, there’s no new vision, and life becomes the past after it enters the hovering period. Hopes and dreams then become memories, and there is little time left.

At this time node where I am realizing my dream with my love, with my mom, renovating my dream home. At this moment, I dreamed the passage of time. Then I cherish the people around me even more, hoping that they could all be treated well by their families and have a full package of life without having to chase the faraway places, or get stuck in memories.

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INTRO: This space is dedicated to keep track of the donations I made.

Monthly Donation

AnitaB Women in Tech Program - June 2021 to present - $13
AnitaB Tech Journey Fund - June 2021 to present - $37
Wikipedia - Jan 2021 to present - $1.75

One-Time Donation

AnitaB - June 4th - $37 - I’m very grateful that I was being selected as one of the Grace Hopper Scholars in 2019, and the experience at the conference was one of the best memories I have ever had. I hope more women can feel that they belong to the tech world.
Rutgers - June 4th - $1000 - For Students under DREAM Act - As a former student under DREAM Act, I will not be able to complete my schoolwork if Rutgers did not reduce my tuition to In-State rate. For all dreamers, I know how challenge it is mentally and physically to be a dreamer, please don’t give up.
AAPI - June 4th - $50 - After the massive shooting event targeted asian women happened earlier this year, I’m very grateful to be participatec AAPI’s Anti Asian Hate march and rally. It means a lot to me because my mom has the same occupation as those women being killed.

INTRO: 记录我自己写的一些诗，打打酱油，知道不怎么样，但我的博客我爱放什么就放什么，哈哈。This space is dedicated to record the poems I wrote, I know they’re probably shitty, but I could do whatever I want in my blog haha. Again, thank you DeepL for translation :).

April 2021

1

随笔一
短暂雷雨过后的天空最美
牵手走在草地
紫花覆黄花
白花簇粉花
问：我们是否活在梦里
笑：不如打自己一巴掌
被胖揍
继续行走，望向天空；
突然恍惚
为何我不是那棵树，那根草，那朵花
第一人称的意识又从何而来

Essai I
The sky is most beautiful after a short thunderstorm
Walking hand in hand in the meadow
Purple flowers over yellow flowers
White flowers cluster around pink flowers
Ask: Are we living in a dream?
Laughing: Why not slap yourself
Then get slapped
Continuing to walk and look up to the sky
Suddenly in a trance
Why am I not that tree, that grass, and that flower
Where does this first-person consciousness come from?

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INTRO: 最近因为各种原因重新捡起了看书。以下是我最近在看的书和以前看过的，并觉得非常有价值的书:)。会不定期更新。

科普类

事实 | Factfulness: 比尔盖茨推荐的一本书，也是2021第一本读完的书。最让我触动的其实是作者们的态度。他们承认人的局限和软弱，但也相信人类不止步于此。我们不需要多高的智商或者是多先进的技术去理解并改变现状。只要我们能够保持好奇心，只要我们能够爽快的承认自己会错的离谱并从中学习:)。

时间的秩序 | The Order of Time: 卡洛·罗韦利(Carlo Rovelli)的科普书，通晓人性的物理学家兼职天使，可惜没有六星系列。“物体与事件的区别在于，物体在时间中持续存在，而事件的持续时间有限。石头是典型的”物体”，我们可以问它明天在哪里。与此相反，亲吻是一个”事件”，问这个吻明天在哪是没有意义的。世界由亲吻的网络组成，而非石头。”

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INTRO: 这里用来更新我的每月学习日志。Update the things I have learned and studied in a monthly basis.

2021

May 2021

The Art of Intimacy: Authentic Relating course level 1, looking forward to start it on May 25.

April 2021

Swift Fundamentals: Fundamental Swift course taught by Simon Allardice, didn’t get too deep (since it’s just a fundamental class), but nevertheless worth skimming through to avoid unnecessary confusion.

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INTRO: 很荣幸被朋友邀请给她们的初创杂志Ejaculation | 寸身贡献了一篇短文。第一期的主题是「我恨你，I love you」。我觉得爱与恨其实同属同一个根源，而爱的反义词其实不是恨，而是不爱。I was honored to be invited by a friend to contribute a short article to their startup magazine Ejaculation | 寸身. The theme of the first issue is “I hate you, I love you”. I think love and hate actually belong to the same root, and the antonym of love is not hate, but unlove. The English version comes after the Chinese version. It was being translated by DeepL with some small edition made by myself. If you found any grammar errors, or want to suggest any better way of rephrasing the sentences, please let me know in the comments.

爱的概率

A不认为自己是决定论者，但她觉得这个世界上很多事都多少是由概率决定好的。

两天前，A在工作途中突然毫无意识地睡了过去。她对此感到有一些意外。以前她也有过极度疲惫的时候，但是大多仍然能够保持意识清醒。这次的意外睡眠似乎在暗示着某种阈值的超越，让她不得不重新计算身体对过度劳动的忍耐力。忍耐力的降低通常和年龄的增长呈正比。A觉得自己的身体仿佛一个不断被用旧的电池，等哪天电再也充不进去了，自己也就没有了任何价值。她的合伙人B敏锐地察觉到了她的生无可恋，决定强制性地给她放一次假。被撵回家的A也不知自己该干些什么，只能躺在床上，将自己丢进大脑里。

A在自己的大脑里建立了一个人体冷冻库，里面封存着一些她曾经喜欢过的人。她走到其中一个冷冻装置面前，低头看着里面的少年。少年闭着双眼，赤裸身体，没有呼吸。A俯下身，舔舐了一会他左边的眼睑，接着舔舐了右边的眼睑。然后她贴着装置坐了下来，头垂降在右手上，再用左手握住少年的左手，开始重复性的轻抚。

这个世界太自然了，但这种自然才是最不自然的地方。比如只要掷足够多次数的硬币，那么整体而言硬币是正面的概率就会稳定在50%。然而，为什么不是10%，或是90%？A想到，随机播放只有在不随机的时候才会让人类觉得自然，又想到了宇宙的一些常数，像极了黑箱调试后得出的结果。当然，用计算机比喻宇宙，就像是在尝试用子集概括超集，属于盲人摸象，A想。

A重新将眼睛聚焦到眼前的少年身上，用手里的粉色蜡笔在他的身上涂鸦。先从眼角开始，连接到颈部的大动脉，然后是锁骨。蜡笔顺着锁骨划到左边，继续往下，停住。A在少年的胸前画了一个粉红色的爱心，又在肚脐上画了一个圈。这可是名副其实的生命之眼呀，A忍不住地亲了一下少年的肚脐。待切割好后，A丢掉蜡笔，少年瞬间被分解成了一块一块的立体几何，浮上空中。A在刚变出的椅子上坐下，将冷冻室的地面置换成没过膝盖的绿草。她将屋顶掀开，阳光直射下来，投在白银透粉的少年块的表皮上。没被表皮覆盖的腥红血肉与深绿色的植被形成深刻的对比。真美啊。A像观赏艺术品一样观赏着少年块，一阵清爽的风吹过A微卷的头发。

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This is dedicated for the notes I’ve taken for Machine Learning class
Machine Learning

INTRO: 缩短到5周的实习终于结束，我发现了一些有关精确的事。

先从诗的精确度开始说起吧。友人说道「诗就是与自己的对话，你对自己的要求是啥样，呈现出的就是啥样。如果你对自己很容易满意，（诗里的）废话当然就多了。你字斟句酌，写出来的自然就是淬炼过的东西。就像古代那些人留下来的东西，都是字斟句酌，花费了巨大的时间和心血在上面。」我恍然大悟，屙了一首诗让他帮忙看看。果不其然我的诗过于浅显，仅仅只描述了一种情绪，并没有留二道，三道。他评论道「你要留东西在里面，你要有思考在里面，不仅仅是去捕捉你的情绪，描写他，你要去想你情绪的由来，以及他引发的思考。」后来他讲了一遍他写的诗，解释了语句之间递进而非并列的关系，意象之间罗列的顺序，镜头的逐渐逐渐拉远以及细化等等，给我打开了新世界的大门。原来我以前读诗的时候错过了好多。

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关于教育的更新请移步以下链接:
2020/10/17 教育碎碎念

INTRO: 什么是好的教育？疫情下，教育也不得不被迫实施了这场大型的远程实验，而我们也不得不开始再次思考教育的本质。我很幸运的参加了一个每周探索小组探讨这些问题。

每周探索小组第一周：

与三个小伙伴试图讨论了这个问题后有了以下的提问与总结(会不断更新)：

1. 教材之间似乎总是缺乏某种叙事，如何让不同课程之间更加有联系？
2. 如何实现商业教材上的变革，使学到的东西能够与现实接轨？
3. 线上教育有什么创新？有什么坏处？(特别地，如何解决CS专业知识繁杂，不知道什么最有用的情况？) Read More...